Even if it's not operable in the typical way, I'm positive you could make some neat sound on it if you tried. Perhaps not normal cello sounds, but it's worth being creative with.
Sorry it's not a workable cello...but if you ever want to borrow a violin, or a djembe or a bass or guitar or tambourine or something like that for your crazy musicness I can help you there.
Otherwise, if you're bored/have time/feel like it renting a cello costs like $50 bucks a month. I rented one for my sis once just for fun.