Letters to parties unlikely to respond.*

[spacebug]

Dear effects of generic nighttime cold medicine,

I only looked brefily at your label before downing an "adult sized" dosage an hour and a half ago in hopes that your "nighttime" label would serve me well.

Sadly, I seem to be mistaken.

Your comforting blue label, decorated with with an exagerrated crescent moon and small, five pointed stars lulled me into thinking that somehow, even with a known stimulant listed among your active ingredients, my body could be hoodwinked into blissfull, recuperative slumber. Somehow I thought that the twitchy presence of pesudoephedrine hydrochloride would just evaporate away and that, as the box reassures me, I would "Rest Easy".

Instead, I find myself up past midnight in a strange, zombielike existence. My mind is completely alert and my limbs really dislike doing much of anything.

Also, I have cottonmouth.

(In due fairness, I will take a breif opportunity to say that all the other claims of your effectiveness also seem to be present, and perhaps I should not take the even blissfully temporary absence of my rib-bruising cough and skull-crushing sinus pressure lightly- but please know I'd still like some sleep.)

Side effects of generic nighttime cold medicine, you suck.

Humbly yours,

Spacebug

*Probably not worthy of McSweeny's, but please take into account the state of mind.

Comments

[hominidgrrl.livejournal.com]

"Yes, yes body. I know I contain pseudoephedrine. But see, see! I also contain diphenhydramine! So if you're lucky it will dope you up enough that you won't notice the effects of pseudoephedrine. Maybe."

Feel better!