Resolve?

[spacebug]

Had a lot of thoughts swirling around when I woke up this morning. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do. I decided that new years resolutions are a lot like to-do lists- they just have more of a vast scope to them. It's easier for me to have one-off resolutions, the kind that I can say "Check. I did that. Onward." It's harder to have things that I want to do that effect a change over a period of time- like: "practice music more often", or "get up earlier", or "cook at home more often". (All things I'd like to do.)

Actually- I don't necessarily *want* to get up earlier, but I want to make more time for myself in the morning. When I lived in Minneapolis, I used to get up early, go to the Spyhouse, get a cup of coffee and sit and journal for a half hour before going to work. I did that most every day for at least a month or two. It was a nice ritual. I got there at 8 and left at 8:30 and got to work by 9. When I moved to St. Paul and my commute became blessedly truncated, I stopped. I stay in *bed* until 8:30, some mornings. So it's not that I can't, it's that I don't. Why not?

A confluence of reasons. I generally don't get enough sleep. I like to stay up late. I like to actually hang out with S4 once he's done with work. But sometimes he doesn't get home until after 10, and then he likes to chill out and play Warcraft and by the time he's done killing things it's after 12:30 and I need to sleep. He works later, so he stays in bed later. We have a loft, most of our living space is one big room- so I can't really "get up" as much as I want to without feeling like I'm being inconsiderate. I slink around, I try to stay quiet, I don't turn lights on unnecessarily. I get dressed in the dark. I'm only really becoming conscious of the fact that I do these things, and that, in a perfect world or living space, I wouldn't necessarily choose to.

Anyway. Just thinking out loud about that, sorta.

So, I guess a complementary resolution would be one to get to bed earlier. Except that I don't really want to go to bed earlier, I'd just like to feel more rested.

I want to get more music promo stuff done- cd, website, press-pack-y type stuff so I can...
Play more gigs

I want to throw away or sell things I don't need or use anymore
I want to fix or replace my sewing machine
I want to clean out the oubliette
I want to make art or perform at Burning Man
Try making lanterns again

Also trying to figure out if I'm going to stay in derby or not. I like playing, I love my team and my team loves me, but.. it's a lot of time. I want to do music more than I want to play derby- and I'm not sure how much skating keeps me from music or if that's just a convenient excuse.

Comments

[denaballerina.livejournal.com]

i wish i could just get up on time! i hit snooze for half an hour every morning. its pathetic.

i know how you feel about derby- it gobbled up almost all my free time, with the driving and such (when it was at Cheap Skate). along with the inter-personal and cheating issues i had, the time thing was a big one for me too. the decision was easy for me, because i started to dread going to practice. i know its a much harder one for you. the only advice i can give is to go with your heart and what makes you happiest. *squeeze*

[spacebug.livejournal.com]

yeah, fortunately the driving is nothing for me now that it's St. Paul, so that doesn't really factor in. I'm not ready to quit, but I may yet take some time off. I don't know. I have my bigger show at the end of February to get ready for, especially... so if I make this bout and I'm still not feelin' it, I might take the month of February off and devote my derby time to music time. And- well, if two of the people I like to spend most of my time with are gone for a while, I might just have plenty of time to do both and not feel like I'm missing anything.

[yaaren.livejournal.com]

I woke up like this, too. I used to do the morning journaling (or afternoon journaling with lunch, when I had a day job and a lunch break) thing, and it's my resolution to start doing this again.

I think it's good that you're looking at the patterns and activities that influence your behavior (and vice versa). It's a good first step.

I'm not sure how much skating keeps me from music or if that's just a convenient excuse.

That's a hard thing to look at. I know for myself that I do this all too often ("well, I just have too much to do for 'project x' to sit down and do some photography!"), and I'm not sure if it's fear or blockage or what. So cutting derby might not be the answer - derby time might be replaced with something else besides music.

You're probably familiar with The Artist's Way, right? The author advocates the morning journaling exercises, along with other shorter exercises to help get you back into doing what you love but somehow can't quite get yourself to do. Maybe you could stick with derby and start incorporating a few tinier musical goals every week; perhaps eventually it'll have a snowball effect and derby will get pushed out in favor of music - or perhaps you'll find a way to do them both.

Good luck. *hugs*

[http://users.livejournal.com/i_heart_to_____/]

i hate to say this, but i should really get a copy of that book (the artist's way).